Did someone say...research??

There is much about the universe which is unknown.

This is commonly viewed as a good thing by most international businesses, who prefer the world to remain in ignorance as it makes it easier to manipulate. Unfortunately, human babies, unlike me, are born with a desire to explore and understand their surroundings; a sense of curiosity which is satisfied only after complete stimulation of all the senses. Since this stimulation normally involves an examination, copious amounts of LSD and complete domination of the resources, population and intellectual property of the known universe, most humans die with their curiosity left intact. And this isn't that happy a thing to smile about, shut your trap.

To balance the gap between ignorance and knowledge, businesses will occasionally pay scientists to carry out research. A Research Scientist spends much of his time searching for common links between the known universe and the goals of his sponsor. When a link is found, a theory is drafted which postulates that the sponsor's goals will be good for consumers as
individuals, or for Mankind in general. An experiment is devised which will prove beyond reasonable doubt that the theory is true. This allows the business to obtain government grants, the endorsement of environmental organisations such as those sundry NGOs, and 10% of the GDP of the Northern Hemisphere as profit on purchase of their products.

This would, of course, work a lot better if human beings were remotely interested in purchasing things which were good for them or the rest of the world. Some of the most successful companies to date are those which produce small tin boxes that move at incredibly high speeds while polluting the environment. Uncommonly known as 'cars'. This easily proven fact was
itself used to prove a theory regarding the inherent suicidal tendencies of humanity in the current times, resulting in the purchase of seventy thousand half-litre bottles of that most annoying health drink, nine hundred and sixty razor blades and a himesh reshamiya album.

No one has yet contrived a theory which could support the purchase of Research Scientists. From this fact it is easy to deduce that any government, business or academic institution funding research is itself part of a far greater experiment.

Research can often cause problems in work situations. Just like in case when people won't stop. As seen in the self confession by Al gore, in 'an inconvenient truth' he goes on to narrate "i have shown this slide-show for at least a 1000 times, but i have failed to transmit the message across" This further goes on to prove that repition isn’t a thing which may result in Proper/desired results. Though for some inexplicable reasons, alcohol can do that for you.

Lazyness......explained

Laziness is a favorite Indian pastime. It originally became a problem some time after your grandparents were your age. Because, before that it wasn’t hypocritically frowned upon.
The way to play Lazy is simple. Everything you need to do it is right at your fingertips.
First, get into a horizontal position.
Next, refuse to do anything yourself.
Third, refuse to refuse yourself refusing yourself refusing to doing anything yourself(if you just read all of this without getting someone to do it for you, lazy just isn't a game you are good at. Stop reading)
This is the simplest form of being lazy.

However, judges award more points for laziness if you also start off with a banana, making someone else skin it down for you. Bonus points are awarded for getting somebody to get the TV remote for you. This is a classic.

One must prepare for optimum laziness. You should get yourself a laptop, a portable fridge, a remote, and a servant. If you live in a hostel like me and don't have a servant, an annoying roommate will do. If at any time you realize that something you are doing could be done by someone else, give up immediately. Though, it deserves a mention, that my roommate is my all time fav lazy dude. He once was too lazy to lookup at his computer screen while lie down on his bed so he wanted me to send him the link instead. It just is unimaginable that how can he be so creative, oh I love him!
Most importantly, don't try too hard! Laziness will come to you!

Laziness is a very ‘kinda there’ kind of issue. It is not your fault, neither mine that we have ample of it inside ourselves. It’s a scientific thingy actually. Don’t you believe me? Wait I’ll prove it using your physics concepts. Yeah the same you learned in the beginning of your 11th Std. See, what I think is that laziness is the force that opposes the act of work. The word "friction" is often substituted for the word laziness in science, especially physics. There currently is no such thing as a "frictionless substance" because every substance in the universe is inherently lazy. This laziness comes from potential energy that all objects have but don't necessarily use. All objects have the potential to do work, even if they are at rest. (i.e. I have the potential to write intelligent things in here, but I prefer being at rest). If someone were to push a box horizontally along a surface, they would have to overcome the box's laziness, their laziness, and the surface's laziness. The reasons there is "friction" is because the person is too lazy to overcome the combined laziness of the box and the surface. Besides, boxes do not like being moved, so naturally they are lazy to move about. Surfaces also do not like having things moved across them so they are lazy to impede motion. Human beings are inherently lazy. These combined lazy forces, coupled with the nuisance "gravity" and the questionable desire to move boxes makes it practically impossible to completely overcome laziness.
Now I am way too lazy to write even a word more…..azzzzzzzzZZZZZ.