Did someone say...research??

There is much about the universe which is unknown.

This is commonly viewed as a good thing by most international businesses, who prefer the world to remain in ignorance as it makes it easier to manipulate. Unfortunately, human babies, unlike me, are born with a desire to explore and understand their surroundings; a sense of curiosity which is satisfied only after complete stimulation of all the senses. Since this stimulation normally involves an examination, copious amounts of LSD and complete domination of the resources, population and intellectual property of the known universe, most humans die with their curiosity left intact. And this isn't that happy a thing to smile about, shut your trap.

To balance the gap between ignorance and knowledge, businesses will occasionally pay scientists to carry out research. A Research Scientist spends much of his time searching for common links between the known universe and the goals of his sponsor. When a link is found, a theory is drafted which postulates that the sponsor's goals will be good for consumers as
individuals, or for Mankind in general. An experiment is devised which will prove beyond reasonable doubt that the theory is true. This allows the business to obtain government grants, the endorsement of environmental organisations such as those sundry NGOs, and 10% of the GDP of the Northern Hemisphere as profit on purchase of their products.

This would, of course, work a lot better if human beings were remotely interested in purchasing things which were good for them or the rest of the world. Some of the most successful companies to date are those which produce small tin boxes that move at incredibly high speeds while polluting the environment. Uncommonly known as 'cars'. This easily proven fact was
itself used to prove a theory regarding the inherent suicidal tendencies of humanity in the current times, resulting in the purchase of seventy thousand half-litre bottles of that most annoying health drink, nine hundred and sixty razor blades and a himesh reshamiya album.

No one has yet contrived a theory which could support the purchase of Research Scientists. From this fact it is easy to deduce that any government, business or academic institution funding research is itself part of a far greater experiment.

Research can often cause problems in work situations. Just like in case when people won't stop. As seen in the self confession by Al gore, in 'an inconvenient truth' he goes on to narrate "i have shown this slide-show for at least a 1000 times, but i have failed to transmit the message across" This further goes on to prove that repition isn’t a thing which may result in Proper/desired results. Though for some inexplicable reasons, alcohol can do that for you.